After 24 years of marriage, I can confidently say I know slightly more about my wife than when we were first married. While this is obviously a tongue-in-cheek statement, I suspect many husbands can nod their heads in agreement. In our early years, I thought I understood what she needed from me as a husband, but after several years, I have come to understand that there was a gap between what I thought and her reality.
Husbands often think they have their wives figured out. But just when they think they have them figured out, something happens, and they’re back to square one. What husbands think wives want and what wives need from their husbands are often two different things. Here are 4 things wives need from their husbands.
1. They want you to hear them, not fix them.
The other day, my wife started telling me about a problem she was having, and my instinct was to jump into problem-solving mode, ready to offer advice. However, she promptly expressed, “I don’t need you to fix this. I need you to hear me.” It’s essential to recognize that our wives aren’t challenges to be resolved; they are individuals in need of nurturing.
2. They want you to be their partner, not their roommate.
During my doctoral studies, my wife and I frequently joked about her playing the role of a single parent. Due to my demanding work and school schedules, it seemed like she was handling things on her own. If couples are not careful, life can get in the way of working together. Wives want you to be their partner in making decisions, raising children, and planning for the future. With conflicting work schedules, sports, and other family commitments, it’s too easy to slip into survival mode with one another. Wives don’t want to do life alone; they want to live it with you.
3. They want you to be present in the moment.
They don’t want to vie for your attention. Keep your phone at a distance, perhaps in another room. At our dinner table, my family adheres to a no-phone rule. Because of the nature of my job, I tend to get a lot of calls and texts after work hours, but we decided several years ago that our dinner table was off-limits. This one rule has been a game changer in our relationship and with our children.
4. They want you to initiate meaningful conversations with them.
Women tend to express themselves verbally more than men. Wives appreciate their husband’s attention but also desire meaningful conversations. In my role as an educator, where I’m paid to talk, it’s common to be emotionally exhausted by the time I return home.
Consequently, I find that I’ve used up most of my words before arriving home, leaving my wife feeling like she gets the remaining fragments of my communication.
I have learned to try and be more intentional in our conversations by asking more open-ended questions and asking about her day.
The learning curve in marriage is steep, but with a little time and intentionality, a husband can learn to discover what his wife really needs from him. Ironically, we discover it’s not things that they’re looking for.
What they’re looking for is a meaningful relationship with her husband. The good news is that there’s still time to cultivate your marriage into the partnership it was meant to be.
Source: All Pro Dad
