I have an open relationship with my beloved husband, Todd. We have been married for 5 years and the last 2 years we have been in an open marriage. We both find it very satisfying, because this type of relationship helps us preserve the spirit of freshness in our relations.
I can’t say I was very fond of this idea when it was first suggested by Todd. I did hesitate a lot, but finally, I found more benefits in an open marriage than drawbacks. None of us is a jealous person, but we do appreciate honesty in any type of communication. This arrangement was from the start considered a temporary one, and we agreed that we’ll get back to a traditional marriage as soon as one of us finds an open relationship uncomfortable and unsettling.
Everything was fine between us. Last December, I started to see another guy, and we hit it off, and we dated each other regularly. My husband also had a woman he was seeing regularly, and we both were still in love with each other. Last month, I found out I was pregnant with twins, and they’re my secondary partner’s babies.
I need to add that I was on birth control. I didn’t expect such a turn, honestly. It took me some time to wrap my head around things and finally tell my husband. At first, Todd was absolutely supportive, and he even said, “I love you honey, and these babies are a part of you, so I will love them with all my heart, too.
I was so pleasantly surprised with his reaction! I must mention that during all this time I had a number of health issues, mostly with my reproductive system. I was told that I would be unlikely to conceive, for me this was a real chance to be a mom, and I was happy about it.
Recently, my husband changed his mind about the babies after realizing that the father wasn’t just going to walk away from the kids. Todd said he would be okay with it as long as the biological father of the twins wasn’t going to be a part of their lives. For background, my husband’s mother had him as a teenager, and he has been raised by a stepdad for his entire life and has an estranged relationship with his biological father.
Although Todd had a stepdad, he always wanted his biological father to play a bigger role than he did. I don’t understand how he cannot relate to the situation and expect the kids to want nothing to do with their biological father.
Todd has recently planted the seed that with these kids in our life we will never be happy. At 3 am yesterday morning, he left me a letter before leaving on a business trip that said I have to choose, either it’s the babies or divorce.
I feel so conflicted because what if this is the only time I can have babies. I couldn’t conceive in years, and what if it never happens again. This is the factor that has made things so difficult for me. I need advice so badly, and I can’t make up my mind on how to live with Todd and have babies at the same time.
