A 25-year-old woman stood up to her parents because of childhood grievances. Now, she doubts whether she did the right thing.
Here’s what she shared
My mother and stepdad have been together since I was little. So, I’m a 25yr old woman with two older siblings, both male. When we were growing up, we were never allowed girlfriends or boyfriends to spend the night, which I felt was fair enough. When my brothers got to about 16, however, their girlfriends were allowed to spend nights but they had to sleep in the spare room. Again, fair. That makes sense to me.
I was always somewhat of a tomboy so, as you can imagine, teen boys didn’t show much interest in me romantically, so I didn’t get my first boyfriend until I was already 18. My parents wouldn’t allow him to spend the night at all, despite us both being over 18. I wouldn’t have minded if my brothers had been held to that standard but I felt as if they were favoured over me. It isn’t even because they disliked my boyfriend at the time, either. Everyone seemed to love him.
That relationship didn’t last more than 6ish months so I dropped it after a while. I got with my now fiancé when I was 22 and we’ve been engaged for a year. We’re getting married in only a few months. Still, just like every time before, my parents wouldn’t allow him to spend the nights until a few months after we got engaged, after I brought it up to them. It wasn’t a conflict, but they knew I was irritated and allowed him to start using the spare room. We moved in together not long after so it didn’t really matter.
Now, I may be an jerk. My mother asked about wedding planning, the first time she even contacted me since the move, and I told her I still had a lot to sort out but I was getting through it and she practically insisted on coming up to me and having a week of ‘mother daughter bonding time’ where she could help me with wedding planning. My fiancé isn’t a very social person and is happy to be the moneybag behind my wedding decisions hehe. He just likes to give little opinions and I’m sure to include them when he does.
My parents arrived and we spent the first day going out to dinner. I’d like to point out that the two aren’t married and are steadfast that they won’t be getting married again, both of them divorced already, my stepdad twice. So, as the night was slowing down they asked to be shown to their room. I directed my mother to one guest room and my stepfather to another. We have a three-bedroom with no kids yet so we have the space. My mother said that there was plenty of room in one for them both and instructed my stepdad to come in with her.
I explained that, just like she told me, it was my house and I didn’t want them sharing a bed in my house. I basically repeated word for word what she would tell me when I’d complain about my brothers getting better treatment than me when it came to their partner. I told her that actually, they were in the same position I was in because neither of us were married. She tried saying it was different because they had been together for almost 20 years. I told them that it didn’t matter because this is my house and my decision is final, just like how my mother would shut down any discussions about it back then. I was sure to mention how my brothers were allowed their partners and I wasn’t but she claimed I was ‘making it up.
They stayed the night and left for home the next day, which I preferred because I was happy wedding planning on my own, and I haven’t heard from them since. My grandmother has called to tell me off for it though so I’m wondering if I am in the wrong?
