A desperate woman wrote a letter asking for advice on whether she did the right thing. The problem is that her elderly parents lost their home and asked to stay with her. However, the woman refused, citing valid reasons. Now, she has become the en:emy of all her relatives.
She shared what happened.
I (33F) have been living in my own home for a few years. I bought it with my own money and have worked hard to make it a comfortable and safe place after growing up in a very unstable environment. My parents (60s) have always been terrible with money, constantly making poor financial decisions despite my efforts to help them budget.
Recently, they lost their house due to foreclosure. They reached out to me, asking if they could move in temporarily while they get back on their feet. But two additional adults would really stretch the limits of my house, and I value my privacy and independence.
More importantly, my parents have a history of being overbearing and disrespecting my boundaries. The last time my parents stayed with me, they criticized everything about my lifestyle, rearranged furniture without asking, and even got into an argument with one of my neighbors.
I offered to help them find an affordable rental and even offered to pay their first month of rent. I also found government assistance programs they can apply for. They refused, saying that family should stick together and that it was my duty to help them in their time of need.
My siblings are divided — my older brother thinks I’m heartless, while my younger sister understands my concerns. Both of them live in smaller apartments, so they do not have the option to host my parents.
My parents have been guilt-tripping me, saying they took care of me growing up, and now it’s my turn to take care of them. My parents are now telling extended family that I’m abandoning them, and I am getting messages from relatives. It’s making me second-guess my decision, even though I know my mental health would suffer if they moved in.
Was I wrong for refusing to let my parents move in with me after they lost their house? Should I be more willing to accommodate them, or am I right to stick to my own well-being and boundaries? I’m feeling very conflicted and could use some outside perspective.
