I (55F) have been married to my husband and my daughter’s stepdad (63M) for 4 years.
My 23 yo daughter and I have a complicated relationship.
She has been diagnosed with dissociative identity disorder. She has a lot of trauma from watching me and my husband’s horrible marriage go down and was bullied in school.
When she told me she was being bullied by peers, my view that all children are innocents really tied my hands because I told her that if I said anything to them, I would be an adult harassing a child.
She has blamed me for that ever since.
And keeps referring to this one time where the kids at school called her trash due to the fact that she wasn’t taking care of her hygiene due to depression. Part (not all) of my response was telling her to take a shower and I bought her new clothes.
The bullying finally ended with an expulsion and a suspension for the ringleaders. She still throws the fact that a school clinic volunteer told her that if she was their kid she’d have permission to punch back if administrators didn’t do anything.
I thought that having her live with me while she finishes school and gets a job would help heal some childhood wounds if my second husband and I modeled a healthy relationship. However, my daughter now doesn’t get along with my husband.
She is a very introverted, creative person who likes immersing herself in escapism. So she’d get annoyed if she was sitting eating alone and my husband would sit across from her and eat. Saying she ate later so she could eat alone.
However, my husband started acting distant from me and my daughter complained that his eyes lingered for too long. She got very angry and there was a lot of shouting and slamming of doors. Finally my husband admitted he’s attracted to her and it’s hard to be around her all day. Said she was walking temptation and said that’s why he was avoiding sex with me.
I was so upset to hear this. I don’t blame my daughter for this, but at the same time the situation has become unbearable. Something would have to give, and I couldn’t collect my thoughts with both of them still being in the house
So I gave my daughter money to stay at an extended stay hotel and asked her to utilize her college’s emergency financial and housing resources they have for students in need. She responded by storming out and telling my ex who is now circling social media using it to paint me as the villain of all villains.
I’m not abandoning my daughter. She qualifies for those resources anyway since my ex is unemployed and we are in substantial debt. I just need time to process the situation and don’t want to leave my house to stay with my daughter when I have a marriage to figure out whether or not to save. AITA?
