A stepdad took to Reddit to share a difficult situation facing him and asked for advice from the online community. Accordingly, when he told his stepdaughter to ask her real father for money, it ignited a complex emotional landscape within their blended family. Feeling the financial strain, the stepdad believed it was a practical solution, but the request touched on sensitive issues of loyalty, responsibility, and identity for the stepdaughter.
The dad explained why he did it.
I married my wife Elise 12 years ago. She has a 16-year-old daughter (Ana) from her previous relationship and we have a 7-year-old son as well.
From pretty much the beginning of our relationship, Ana and I have never gotten along. I don’t know how to emphasize that it is NOT because of a lack of trying. She just does not like me. When she was young she was just scared of me and “afraid I’d tear their family apart”. Nowadays it’s more of a neutral dislike rather than strong antipathy so I suppose that’s progress.
Elise is a stay-at-home mother, so she relies on me for income. As a result, I pay for everything for Ana. Food. Clothes. Volleyball fees. Field trips. I take an interest in her hobbies. I go to her games. I’m not saying I’m perfect but I try my hardest to be the step-father I can.
But it’s so… hard. Always giving me curt 1-word responses. Always have to have an attitude. She does things to get a rise out of me. Typical rebellious stuff. But I always let her know I love her and I’m there for her in hopes of her “teenager” phase past.
The opposite is true for her biological father. She adores him. Can’t tell you why. He never goes to her games, and always makes excuses for why he doesn’t want to see her. He forgot her birthday last month and she cried herself to sleep.
Well anyway, on Friday, I came to her room to check her phone and read her messages (not a permanent thing, but she’s been caught sneaking out twice in the last month so this is her punishment). I ask for the phone, she says “No, I’m tired of you checking my stuff, leave me alone”.
I tell her I’m not asking again and she goes “You’re not my real dad. You never have been. Stop acting like you can tell me what to do” before getting up and slamming the door. Like I said, guys. I’m tired. Tired of the blatant disrespect. Of being the verbal punching bag while still providing more for her than anyone else in her family.
We haven’t talked since until this morning during breakfast. She asked if I could pay for her plane tickets so she could see her boyfriend cross-state. Like I said, her mom doesn’t work so I normally would be the one to cough up the money. Not this time. I responded, “Go ask your real dad”. I could tell she was hurt. Tears swelled up from her face and she excused herself from the table.
My wife took me aside later and said my comment was extremely disrespectful. I said if anything’s disrespectful, it’s her treating me like a doormat and a credit card, and I will no longer tolerate this treatment in my house. I told her we don’t have to be friends, but if she can’t at least be cordial to me or respect my position as an authority figure, she can find someone else to pay for her non-essentials.
