Welcoming a child is a significant milestone for every couple, but Teresa was distraught when her husband chose to be with his son rather than attend their child’s birth. This decision caused a sequence of traumatic experiences, leaving her unsure about her next moves. She is now looking for assistance to help her deal with the challenges ahead.
Teresa’s letter:
“I can’t come. It’s my son’s big football game.” I angrily said, “I don’t want to ever see you!”
A week passed, and he stayed silent. I was worried and went to his ex-wife’s house. His son turned pale when he saw me. I was disgusted when I found out that he had been staying there all this time, and they were all playing board games. Just like the picture-perfect family!
To make matters worse, his ex-wife started laughing, and my blood ran cold when I found him silent, doing nothing to support me. She then said, “Your husband already has three kids, so this fourth one isn’t as special to him as it is to you.” She added, “His first family will always come first, and that’s just how life is.”
I couldn’t say a word and left. After seeing my husband’s indifference and hearing his ex’s words, I’m seriously considering div:orce.
Today, 4 days after the birth, he finally came to meet his daughter. While I know he can be a great and devoted dad, his attitude has sh0cked me.
What should I do? Teresa
Teresa, thank you for opening up! We’ve compiled some insights that may help you navigate these problems.
Communicate your emotions with your husband.
Have an open chat with him, stating how difficult it was that he chose his son’s football game over being present at your daughter’s birth. Tell him that his absence at such an important time seemed like a betrayal and left you feeling unsupported.
It’s conceivable that he doesn’t fully understand the emotional impact this had on you. Aim to help him realize why his decision has made you reconsider the course of your relationship.
Set clear boundaries with his ex.
Explain to your husband that his ex’s statements were not only upsetting but extremely inappropriate. Share how insulting it felt when she downplayed the importance of your child.
It may also be helpful to speak with his ex directly, emphasizing that, while she is entitled to her opinions, she has no right to devalue the importance of your family. Set strict limits to prevent her from interfering with your relationship.
Assess his dedication to both families.
His ex claimed that his “first family” will always be more important to him, but you should find out if your husband shares this sentiment. Approach him openly and ask if he agrees with her viewpoint. If he does, this could pose a long-term challenge because it suggests he may prioritize his commitments there over those in your existing family.
Understanding his genuine position will allow you to determine whether remaining in the marriage is feasible.
Think about seeking counseling before making a final choice.
Rather than rushing into divo:rce, seek couples counseling to better understand the reasons behind his actions. A therapist can facilitate discussions, revealing whether this was an isolated incidence or the result of underlying concerns. If his behavior stays constant or he shows no desire to reform, you will have a clearer understanding of whether dissolving the marriage is the best option.
