A 35-year-old man has recently shared his very tricky family situation with us, that has provoked a lot of opinions inside our editorial. He shared that he was totally frustrated because of his wife’s unwillingness to help his parents and to support them by giving them some sum of money. The man cannot understand why his wife is being so rude to his family members, while with her own parents she behaves in a totally different way. He wrote to us in order to listen to what our readers would say, and here’s his story.
Patrick is very desperate about his family situation.
Patrick, 35, declared from the start that he was very angry and disappointed with his wife’s behavior towards his parents, and told us some backstory for this.
“My wife Laura and I have been happily married for over 5 years now. Laura has a high-paying job and earns way more than I do. I work as a teacher and I make around 40,000, while she works in the private sector and makes $300-400K after tax. We share all our finances accordingly, with her paying 70% to my 30%.”, Patrick wrote.
Patrick added, “Laura’s parents both immigrated to our country a long time ago. Their main goal was that Laura and her sister Margaret could succeed in life, and now they both have very high-paying jobs. My wife is a successful architect in her industry, and her sister is a surgeon. Meanwhile, my parents both have low-paid jobs, and my sister lives on benefits, so we are a relatively low-income family.”
Laura helps her parents on a monthly basis.
Patrick continued, “Laura did help my younger sister Ashley when she became a single mom at a young age. Laura offered her a secretary job at her office, but Ashley quit after a month as she found it too difficult, (which I can understand as she was raising a baby on her own).”
Laura has a special attitude to her parents. Patrick explained, “Recently, Laura’s parents retired, and she and her sister Margaret give them around $3,000 every month, which I find ridiculous because they have pensions. I just don’t get it, why do they need $6k?”
Patrick added, “My wife assured me this money never comes out of our joint account. However, when I bought up, my parents were also retired, just like Laura’s parents, and they could use the help. When I asked her about the money for my parents, Laura said that if I could afford to send it from my own salary, I should. I was pretty much shocked and angry. My poor parents only had me to depend on, while she and her sister made a lot of money, so her parents would be fine either way.”
Laura has her own reasoning for such attitude.
Patrick revealed, “Laura keeps explaining to me that her parents sacrificed everything by moving to the country. She now honestly believes it is her responsibility, and my parents should be my responsibility. She says I am in a wrong because of asking her to support my parents when she has never put pressure on me for not bringing more money to our budget.”
The spouses have had a lot of misunderstandings. The man wrote, “We had a big argument before about loaning my sister some money so she could put a down payment for her house. Back then, Laura said she would not give her money as she thought my sister was unreliable and Laura was sure she wouldn’t pay her back. I just don’t understand how Laura can be so cheap because she earns so much more than me.”
Patrick is convinced that the situation in the family is unfair.
Patrick explained to us why his parents needed help when they have their pension, too.
He wrote, “My father has Parkinson’s, his condition is already very bad, and we were told by doctors that it’s only going to get worse. My mum has problems with her health, too. She isn’t even strong enough to help dad his diaper and other things. Currently, the only appropriate option is to put dad in a care home and separate the two of them because our family can’t afford a live-in caregiver. This is so frustrating to me as Laura knows all this and her parents are in great health currently.”
The man concluded, “Her offering money would in no way break her bank but would help my parents a lot. I just think my wife is being selfish because if our roles were reversed I would without doubt help her and her parents.”
