After a heavy night of drinking at the local pub, Ralph stumbled home, climbed into bed next to his wife, and fell into a deep blackout sleep.
Suddenly, he found himself standing before the Pearly Gates. St. Peter looked at him pityingly and said, “I’m sorry Ralph, but you died in your sleep. However, we have a reincarnation loophole. You can return to Earth, but only as a fish or a hen.”
Ralph hated swimming, so he figured a stress-free life as a hen sounded pretty comfortable.
Instantly, he was covered in feathers, clucking and pecking at the dirt. A local rooster strolled up to him. “Hey, you must be the new girl. Why do you look like you’re about to explode?”
“I don’t know,” Ralph clucked. “I have this intense pressure inside me!”
“Oh, you’re just ovulating,” the rooster explained. “It’s easy. Just cluck twice, and then push.”
Ralph did exactly that, and pop! Out rolled a perfect egg. Ralph was instantly overwhelmed by the beautiful, emotional magic of motherhood. He clucked twice and pushed again, proudly producing a second egg.
He was just getting into position to squeeze out a glorious third egg when he suddenly felt a violent smack to the back of his head and heard his wife screaming:
“Dammit, Ralph, wake up! You’re crapping the bed!”
