On the first night of their honeymoon, the new bride turned to her husband with a nervous look. “Darling, I have a confession to make. I’m not a virgin. I’ve been with one other man before you.”
The husband shrugged constructively. “Oh yeah? Who was the guy?”
“Tiger Woods, the golfer,” she admitted softly.
The husband nodded, trying to play it cool. “Well, he’s rich, famous, and a world-class athlete. I guess I can live with that.”
They proceeded to enjoy their first romantic encounter as newlyweds. Afterward, the hungry husband climbed out of bed and reached for the telephone.
“What are you doing?” his wife asked.
“I’m starving. I’m calling down to room service.”
The wife sighed disappointedly. “Tiger wouldn’t do that.”
“Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?”
“He’d come back to bed and do it a second time.”
Determined to prove his worth, the husband dropped the phone, jumped back into bed, and went for round two. When they finished, completely drained, he crawled back over to the telephone.
“What are you doing now?” she asked.
“Getting some food!” he gasped, wiping his brow.
The wife smiled teasingly. “Tiger wouldn’t do that either. He’d come back to bed for a third time.”
Summoning every last ounce of his remaining strength, the husband dragged himself back into action and completed round three. Barely conscious, sweating profusely, and shaking all over, he staggered back to the phone and began frantically dialing.
His wife looked at him from the pillows. “Are you finally ordering room service?”
“No!” the husband gasped, clutching his chest. “I’m calling Tiger Woods to find out what the hell par is for this hole!”
